25 Things (From Facebook)

25 Things

Here we go. Everything on this list is true. If its illegal, it happened long enough ago to be beyond the statute of limitations.

1. I classify myself as a quasi-militant atheist. I will not push my (non)beliefs upon anyone else, and I haven't started blacking out "In God We Trust" from dollar bills yet, but I will confront and argue with anyone who tries to push their beliefs on another.

2. The first time I've mentioned being an atheist to any of my family members (other than my wife) is in this note. Talk about passive-aggressive.

3. I have had sex on church property multiple times.

4. I once jumped on a co-workers back, rode him around the store like a pony, slapped his ass and yelled "Yeehaw Bitch!" as an example of improper behavior during a team meeting.

5. I have been fired from no less than ten jobs.

6. I once worked as a night clerk at a porn store.

7. I found out what it takes to get fired from said porn store.

8. The meanest thing I've ever yelled at someone was "You parents should have had you aborted." This was at the Indiana Mall to a random twelve year old. He started it.

9. I've had D&D campaigns last longer than most of my previous relationships.

10. My first date with my wife came after I ranted about using produce as a marital aid AND put on an X-rated puppet show in the middle of class.

11. I smoked for over eight years, at an average of a pack and a half a day.

12. I quit cold turkey and, surprisingly, didn't kill anyone.

13. The largest joint I've ever seen measured fourteen inches long with a circumference of eight inches. It took sixteen packets of zig-zags to roll it.

14. To teach a lesson to an old roommate about knocking before he entered my room, I stripped naked and started singing showtunes. He was thoroughly traumatized.

15. I once accused a friend of being a holocaust denier to judge his gf's sense of humor.

16. I have my motorcycle license, and am getting a Vespa within the next two months. Fricking Winter.

17. During Christmas Mass, I read two chapters in "On the Origin of Species."

18. My favorite two D&D characters both died that the hands of Frank the Horrible.

19. I once ran a D&D campaign in a fast food joint.

20. I once left a "Steal Me" sign in an old car with the doors unlocked and the windows opened. I returned to see the sign flipped over and the words "No Thanks."

21. I know how painful an electrified fence can be.

22. The most hours I've ever worked in a week was 116.

23. For some reason, whenever I say two, I hold up three fingers.

24. I once had a conversation with Jehovah Witnesses...naked.

25. This last one was not my idea, but I and one of my trainees who was black reenacted the whipping scene from "Roots" in the back room at Arby's with a bag of sub buns in place of the whip. Neither of us were written up because, and I quote "There was no way in Hell I was going to put that in a report."